"Warning: Erupting Emotions Ahead" by Joy Boka

Black woman in orange dress poses in front of brick wall

Hello, BeBlended Fam! Have you ever watched any 1000 Ways to Die episodes? It’s a TV show, based on true stories, that reenacts the ways that people have died.

I watched it in my pre-teens and I remember feeling afraid. I was scared because I didn’t know how I was going to memorize all 1000 ways to NOT die. I remember my sister, telling me to never put toothpaste on my sandwich because it’s highly toxic to the body and can cause death.  

With time and age, I’ve realized that death is a part of life. I trusted that my parents raised me well enough to have the right instincts and intelligence to ask the right questions. Like who puts toothpaste on their sandwich as spread? Certainly not I.

"Anyways, I couldn’t live my life trying to find ways to exempt myself from death. Living your life out of fear of dying, defeats the purpose of LIVING LIFE. I think the same concept applies to internalized emotions. If life is meant to be lived, your emotions are meant to be felt."

Now, I’m not trying to validate acting out of  anger, offense, or sadness. Doing so can be toxic and detrimental to your relationships with others.  Feelings, though meant to be felt, are fleeting, temporary and frequently unreliable (especially when making serious decisions).

I’m saying that when someone says something that upsets you, don't deny it. Instead:
  1. Admit your hurt.
  2. Sit with it, feel it and BREATHE (or find a tactic that helps you. I’ve found: exercise, reading a book, or playing some music to be helpful)
  3. Brainstorm a healthy way to confront the situation or person that triggered that emotion within you. If you are a non-confrontational person, you are well aware that the confronting part is easier said than done. But it CAN be done!

If you’re a person that is always trying to be nonchalant and trying to prove to yourself or others that you’re “gucci” and unbothered, admitting your emotions can be difficult. Especially in today’s culture where not caring is glorified. And then  you’ve got people that may be hurt, not admit it, but act really petty and then insist that they don’t care -- when issa a lie! 

Emotions, like farts are NOT meant to be held in. If you're a professional fart holder, I have no doubt in my mind that you most likely fart in your sleep, a subconscious state. If you are a professional emotion 'internalizer', either you’ll blow up or your attitude will seep through in the way you treat people on the daily -- cue the prideful’s favorite line: "that’s just how I am". No honey, you can do better by choosing healing and communication.



Here’s the deal, friend: we are imperfect humans but it is time for us all to acknowledge that internalizing negative emotions can be as fatal as using toothpaste as spread on a sandwich.

How exhausting is it to have to remember that you feel a type of way about something or someone. Choose self-love and know that you’re doing yourself a disservice when you internalize your emotions. 

So cheers to doing better, admitting our emotions to ourselves and communicating them efficiently and in a healthy manner!

Today is a great day to be an amazing version of yourself; I believe in you.

Go be great!
Sending you warm hugs,
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About the Blogger: Joy Boka

A picture of Joy in a striped shirt smiling at the cameraThis article was written by our Blog Contributor, Joy Boka. She runs a blog called www.joydelasoul.com. Some of her hobbies include theater, dancing , singing , and poetry. She is passionate about being part of - as well as creating - a community and safe spaces to bring healing to people’s lives. She strongly believes that life is not meant to be done alone. Instead she has learned that there is no dishonor in asking for help and that there is wealth, love and shared resources in being part of a community. She is happy that you are choosing to be a part of this one.


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